so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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