There is no way he is gay with that hair.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
