right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
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