I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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