Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
