So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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