I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
