do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
