Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
