she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
