The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As shirtless as possible
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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