Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
