So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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