After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
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