I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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