We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
