Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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