end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
