every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
