What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
