Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
