Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
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