I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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