oh god the rape fog is back!
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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