You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Please, let me fuck your mom
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
