Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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