She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
