I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
