its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
