Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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