I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
