question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
