I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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