Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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