I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
