I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
