i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
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i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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