i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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