My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
