she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
