So drunk, too bad you don't want this
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
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I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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