EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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