At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
