i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
