stop calling my apartment porn island.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
