Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
