Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
