good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
