In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
