In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
