i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
