Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
