my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
