Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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