After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
