U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize