I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
