K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
