I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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