At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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