So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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