my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
