I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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