evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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