***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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