You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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