Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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