Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Randomize
