Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
