i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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