he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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