I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Oh god it's open bar.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize