I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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