Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
