Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
