Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
