No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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