thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
where are my eyebrows?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
