mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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