drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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