I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
