You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
