Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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