What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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